My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
