you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
