thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
