So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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