Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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