I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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