Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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