he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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