Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
