I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
