And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
