I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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