when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
