Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
wow bdsm is so cute
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
