that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Every concussion has its silver lining
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
