mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
