this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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