u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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