how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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