I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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