I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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