Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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