I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
