Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
