Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
