whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
