at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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