Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
