Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
