my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Welp...herpes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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