I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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