Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
