How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
