woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
