This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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