she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Floor bacon is actually really good
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
