Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
