i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
cat food counts as protein by the way
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
