week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
