I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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