Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
