you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
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I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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