I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have feelings that need drinking.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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