you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
