five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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