Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
