Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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