My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
