so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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