Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
