I heard we made out
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
