Please, let me fuck your mom
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
