no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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