Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
