I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
