I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
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