I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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