yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
