Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.