you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related