oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hello my rib-scented angel!