When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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