This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
