Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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