Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
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You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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