but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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