She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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