I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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