i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
