oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
