so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
