I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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