I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
