im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
